Dogtology: Live. Bark. Believe. by Jeff Lazarus

By Jeff Lazarus

Dog·tol·o·gy
noun
1. the idea in puppy.
2. The procedure of rituals, practices, and behaviors engaged in by means of Dogtologists.

Chew on this. As people, we've got a deep have to think . . . a necessity to narrate to anything larger and extra perfect than ourselves. possibly that is why such a lot of thousands think in puppy. Man's devotion to puppy has come to rival the good -isms and -ologies of the realm. This has long gone means past a pastime. We would possibly not actually worship canine, yet we come pawfully shut. This rabid reverence for Rover has a reputation: it is known as Dogtology. Dogtology is for the puppy lover who has bailed on a date simply because they did not wish Twinkles to be left domestic on my own, for the human whose puppy owns a extra festive vacation cloth wardrobe than they do, these whose puppies dine on free-range bison burgers whereas they stay off ramen, or whose smartphones have extra pictures in their puppy than of the people of their kinfolk.

Live. Bark. Believe. Dogtology is a funny exploration of man's fanatical devotion to puppy. during this booklet, Lazarus makes the case that Dogtology has turn into a bone-a-fide trust method on par with the world's nice philosophies and religions.

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Extra resources for Dogtology: Live. Bark. Believe.

Sample text

Dog is simply here. Dog interacts with the world fully and directly. com to fake-spray a virtual mark or set up a virtual hook-up with another canine, nor would he watch other dogs play games on TV. No, he’s out there in the world doing those things. 2. Dog Exudes Inner Light Saints are often depicted with halos around their heads, which represent the “inner light” that special beings are said to exude, but no being on Earth exudes more “inner light” than Dog. A dog will never walk into a room of humans only to have them vaguely acknowledge his existence.

God said to Dog, “I know what you need, young Doggie. ” Dog jumped up and down excitedly. ” God added, “I have given this a great deal of thought. Earth is a garden of paradise. But, let’s face it, it’s also a bit of a gore fest, what with creatures gnawing on one another and fighting tooth and nail to control their own patch of real estate. Take your cousin, Wolf, for example. Wolfie has many of the same fine qualities you do, but he spends all of his time hunting and protecting his young. So, Wolfie’s talents, such as howling at the moon at night (because he thinks his breath keeps it floating in the sky), have never had a chance to evolve like yours have.

If you are a Dogtologist, here are just a few symptoms of your belief system: You relentlessly email dog photos, dog-toons, dog videos, and dog PowerPoint slideshows to everyone on your contacts list, regardless of the thundering silence you receive in response. Your dog groomer knows that the concept “drop the dog off” does not apply to you, and you are allowed to wait in the staff lounge where you are given status reports on the quarter hour. You are genuinely surprised when others react to the word “bitch” as if it has negative connotations.

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